and dont tell Chuck that you dont like him cuz he will roundhouse kick you in the face Chuck
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Chuck
by Merdzana » Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:16 am
OK, I dont think he did that on purpose, but Mjölnir chalenged me in spamming with facts about Chuck Norris on gchat so I decided to fight back! So this post is dedicated to Chuck's facts...who dont like Chuck...dont read and dont tell Chuck that you dont like him cuz he will roundhouse kick you in the face
and dont tell Chuck that you dont like him cuz he will roundhouse kick you in the face 
- Merdzana
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:11 pm
- Location: Cuprija, Serbia
by Merdzana » Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:21 am
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*** he wants.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris divides by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris' wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*** he wants.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris divides by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris' wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
- Merdzana
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:11 pm
- Location: Cuprija, Serbia
by Merdzana » Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:27 am
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's f***ing beef.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.
Chuck Norris once finished "The Song that Never Ends".
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's f***ing beef.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.
Chuck Norris once finished "The Song that Never Ends".
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
- Merdzana
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:11 pm
- Location: Cuprija, Serbia
by Merdzana » Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:32 am
There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
A unicorn once kicked Chuck Norris. That is why they no longer exist.
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the f*** Chuck Norris is.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
When Chuck Norris breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "Shitting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.
When Superman squeezes a lump of coal, he creates a diamond. When Chuck Norris squeezes a lump of coal, he creates an African child to work in his diamond mines.
The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
Simon says EXACTLY what Chuck Norris f***ing tells him to say. Period.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
A unicorn once kicked Chuck Norris. That is why they no longer exist.
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the f*** Chuck Norris is.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
When Chuck Norris breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "Shitting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.
When Superman squeezes a lump of coal, he creates a diamond. When Chuck Norris squeezes a lump of coal, he creates an African child to work in his diamond mines.
The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
Simon says EXACTLY what Chuck Norris f***ing tells him to say. Period.
- Merdzana
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:11 pm
- Location: Cuprija, Serbia
by Merdzana » Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:49 am
all of these facts were taken from www.4q.cc/chuck
who wants to learn more about Chuck's response to these facts and the truth behind them,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris_Facts is the place
enjoy
and....ive just found my new favorite at http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris/Facts :
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" was finally solved when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the face. That was the first time he was ever seen without his beard. ROFL
who wants to learn more about Chuck's response to these facts and the truth behind them,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris_Facts is the place
enjoy
and....ive just found my new favorite at http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris/Facts :
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" was finally solved when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the face. That was the first time he was ever seen without his beard. ROFL
- Merdzana
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:11 pm
- Location: Cuprija, Serbia
by Merdzana » Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:18 am
erhm...forget that above...absolute favorite of mine is :
Chuck Norris was born in small town of Belgrade, Serbia.
and i didnt make that up!!
I found it on http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris/Facts also...
Chuck Norris was born in small town of Belgrade, Serbia.
and i didnt make that up!!
I found it on http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris/Facts also...
- Merdzana
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:11 pm
- Location: Cuprija, Serbia
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