by Merdzana » Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:32 am
There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Chuck Norris. This amuses Chuck Norris because he is bulletproof.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
A unicorn once kicked Chuck Norris. That is why they no longer exist.
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the f*** Chuck Norris is.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
When Chuck Norris breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "Shitting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.
When Superman squeezes a lump of coal, he creates a diamond. When Chuck Norris squeezes a lump of coal, he creates an African child to work in his diamond mines.
The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Chuck Norris was here."
Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
Simon says EXACTLY what Chuck Norris f***ing tells him to say. Period.